There's some cheeks to pinch.

I have a real job now, kinda, so it's hard to actually blog, be a mom, and a wanna-be wife. I usually have to just do the other stuff.

Benjo has started daycare! Yay! He's socializing! I love it! The first week was awful, I cried on our first day (laaame), but we got through it, and he's doing much better.

We started a softball team, so my boyfriend and I play Tuesday nights. I know, I know, you wouldn't picture me the athletic type...well, you're right, because I'm SO not athletic, and I suck, but oh well, it's our "bonding" time.

My papas is growing up quickly, which just amazes me, and makes me sad at the same time. He says so many words now, walks, runs, and does things on purpose now! He's so smart!

I went out this weekend. I boozed it up. I am so ashamed. Why? It was ONE night. I left my son for ONE night, but I totally over-did it, drank WAY too much, and it was just bad. I feel so bad about it, but I can remember the old days, not very long ago, when I did it 3, maybe 4 times a week! I got home at 1:30. That's like staying out all night now. My bedtime is 9:30! Boy how times have changed...

I don't really have a lot to say, so here's some pics :)

I now have a toddler. My tiny little grey baby I met in the hospital, is now this pale little boy with light brown hair, that has a mind of his own, and a personality that is only his.

He’s a little person now.

It happened overnight. He proves every day to be my son. He LOVES to dance. He’s stubborn. He’s moody. He smiles a lot. He laughs when I laugh, pretty much at nothing. He is very dramatic. He throws himself on the floor when he doesn’t get his way, and yes, I still do that. His hair color matches mine, before I began dying it. He is just as pale as me, and he’s even starting to look like me! Lucky boy! Yes, we even have the same belly that hangs over our clothes. Lucky me!

He drives me bananas, yet he constantly makes me smile. I now understand that statement “My cup runneth over” that Diane Keaton made in The Family Stone.

Sometimes I can become so impatient because he is throwing his food off his tray, or his sippy cup directly AT ME, but I look at his little face, and those eyes, and I melt! I hope this doesn’t mean I’m raising a future brat of America.

Another discovery recently made is that I love my boyfriend. It was really hard the first year, to feel love, and not resentment, but it’s all come back to me. I love him. I especially love when he helps with the baby. Those times are great, though few and far between, since he’s always at work. We started to actually communicate recently. That really works!

Things have become much easier. I can clean a little more now. I can even shower and do my hair sometimes. I am going back to work soon too. Maybe. I hope. I’m having a hard time deciding on which route to take, but I am praying about it, so we’ll see where I’m led.

I also finished 3 classes in the last 5 months. I NEVER actually complete classes! I did this time though. I even received “A’s” in each class, which is very rare for me. VERY RARE. My transcripts look like they had straight W’s before Benjo. Now I’m a grown up. Wooohoo!

When I was 12, I had this disease. It was really bad. It was called NKOTB fanatic syndrome. Yes, I like millions of other 12 year old girls had my walls covered with Jordan, Jonathan, Joey, Donnie, and even Danny.

My light blue jean jacket had buttons with their faces, and even pins that said “New Kids On The Block”. My ears even held those words on red metal earrings, and I still wonder to this day what happened to them. I was happy to be a member of their fan club, and received lovely signed pictures of them through this fan club, as well as a mass generated letter signed by each of them. My dad tried hard to convince me it wasn’t really their signatures, but I knew in my heart that it was.

I had all their records. Yes, RECORDS. I remember staring at those record covers for hours at a time.

Then something happened. I don’t quite remember what, but NKOTB disappeared. My walls began to clear, my buttons and pins were put away.

Maybe I was in remission…but now…it’s back.

They’re back.

My Greatest Hits CD is being played again. Benjos favorite is Step By Step. He loves to dance to it. This confirms he is indeed my son, and there was no switcheroo in the hospital.

The biggest news is…I have a ticket, to see them again!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

It’ll be in October, and I cannot wait.

There has been so many changes in my life, yet everything is still the same. It's weird.

I finally went out and got another job. I'm happy about it, but at the same time, I'm really down about it. I have so much experience in running an office, running a business, yet I am starting all over in a new career. I am working in a Child Development Center, making minumum wage. WTF? That's just weird to even say, and honestly, I don't even know how much minimum wage is, the last time I made that it was about 6.25. Anyway, I chose this job because EVENTUALLY I'll be able to enroll my son in their program, and it's definately a quality program and will really benefit him. I will also be able to finally complete my BA in Child Development because after being employed for a year there, they pay for the local Universities classes. That's an excellent benefit, and the main reason why I took this job. It's a private University so it's about $3000 a class. Anyway, to sum it up, it sucks being told what to do by a bunch of youngins'.

It also sucks being away from my son, but it's only twice a week until he's enrolled.

The first day I was crying by 4. Lame, I know.

I guess I've been a little depressed because I feel that at 30, I am starting at the bottom. I am still trying to get a car, and still am really broke. It sucks.

Anyway, my love of my life is starting to stand by himself. He doesn't really like it though. He would rather sit. He'd also rather crawl than practice walking. He's a bit lazy, but super adorable. He's also becoming impatient with my blogging, so I better go!

I'm going to be 30 in a couple of weeks.

30!

I know alot of people have overcame this whole "turning 30" situation....but DUDE, 30???

I'm just stuck in my head now, and have been all day.

I still feel like I'm lost inside this fat girls body, with big cellulite filled thighs; and my oh my do these fat thighs GLOW! I have never been this pale, this wiggly, this hairy before.

Oh! I also have never been this TIGHT before, I mean, I am the BIGGEST tightwad I have ever met now...and that's just crazy. I SWEAR every Friday, after work, I'd be at Nordstroms for a new blouse, or shoes, or something, just something to spend my money on...now, Psh...now I bitch about spending 12.99 on a blouse from Target. I mean, it's Target, shouldn't it be cheaper? Duuude. Who AM I???????????????

On top of that...I'm going to be 30 next week, or the week after, I don't know even know which day it is, and I am planning on going out, for a "girls night" and a part of me is dreading it. What the hell can I wear, that'll hide some of this girth??? AND, I don't know how to dress anymore. I don't know how to disguise this fat. AND I'm sick of looking at myself. I look the same all the time. I literally have jacked up hair everyday, because I just don't bother with it anymore...I wear the same crap all the time, and have the same bags under my eyes all the time (no matter how much Eye Lift by Avon I use!)

Benjos doing great. Man that kid is SO cute. He is using SOME sign language now, but not so much. He knows "more" and ya...that's about it. He can DANCE. He gets down man. He also has THE cutest smile, and has 8 teeth now! He is also VERY cute. I can't believe I made that cute little thing.

Sleepy Mom Post
I couldn't think of a title.

I feel like I need to post a blog, but I don't know where to start. I know people rarely read these, so it's not that I want to post it for other people, I just want to remember the last few weeks. Or maybe I don't. I don't know.

Benjo has 6 teeth now, almost 8. He had like 4 come in at the same time! That was good times man.

He is almost 9 months. It's crazy how he already has his own little personality. He can be MEAN! He is a bit agressive, meaning, he already hits, and bites. He is also soooo attached to me. At times it drives me crazy, other times I try to remember that he won't always want to be with me 24-7. The bad times are when it's been days, and I haven't been out of the house, and he's been attached to me constantly, giving me only bathroom, and sometimes, shower breaks.

He also had the 3 day measles. Man that sucked. That week was the hardest week I've had so far, during mommyhood. It was even worse than the first week, when he didn't sleep at night, and I hadn't figured out how my boob worked yet. I had to visit the lactation consultant 3 times before it finally worked.

The measles weren't actually the bad part. The horrible part was him having a fever of 105 and having a febrile seizure. The way he looked...it was horrible. Being in and out of the ER was horrible.

He's my life. I knew that before, but it was set in stone in the last couple of weeks.

I don't know how I smiled or laughed before he came along.

Baby Benjo LOVES American Idol.

Weird, I know. I bet he would've really loved last season with Sanjaya on the show.

During the 8 o'clock hour, my 8 month old relaxes, snuggled next to me, watching the television as all the little weirdos sing their little pants off. Benjo just watches intently, but of course, gets distracted during commericials. Last season, I was preggie, but totally into it, so maybe he just likes it because it's in his dna or something.

Then again, he IS musically inclined.

It's true! He sings already. Not actual words of course, hello, he's only 8 months, but he sings along with us when we sing, and he dances. Boy does he have moves. If I knew how to post it on here I would, but I don't know how. He loves "Mr.Sun". He gets down to that song. It could be all the concerts he went to, while in the womb. He started off his first 9 weeks with Mariah Carey. After 8 months in the oven he went to Coachella 2007, where his mommy danced to Ozomtali, and HULLOOO The Red Hot Chili Peppers!!! He ended his 9 months in the womb by doing a weekend concert with mommies favorite country artists, which included George Strait, Sugarland, Alan Jackson, Brooks and Dunn, and Sara Evans. He was born to love music.

Anyway, off the subject.

I think he'll be American Idol 2025.